Chapter 5 "The Wife of a Deployed Soldier Poster" for Dummies 2/23/2012

Circulating around social media are these funny posters, on them you see six photos and they illustrate what other peoples perspectives are of certain groups of people.  Among the ones I found especially cute were the Military Wife, the Stay at Home Mom and the German Shepherd ones.  Funnily enough, I have not seen one that demonstrates the Wife of a Deployed Soldier poster.  I really should make one.   

“What my friends think I do” the photo would be of me lovingly putting together frilly care packages filled with handmade crafts made by me, cookies…decorations, the box would be decorated in hearts and ribbons…

“What my mom thinks I do” I would probably be passed out from drinking too much wine while playing on Facebook (haha mom if you are reading this)

“What society thinks I do” I would be Skyping or writing a fancy calligraphy letter that was SWAK and perhaps marking the days off on a calendar with hearts and rainbows anxiously awaiting his return (or hibernating and crying while neglecting my children as I dwell on how much more difficult my life is compared to others-there are a couple of scenarios for this) 

“What my kids and pets think I do” I would be tirelessly driving them around in my Super Hero cape, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing laundry, finding all that is lost, kissing boo boo’s, playing endlessly, getting drinks and snacks, moving the sun, carrying what they don’t want to carry but must have, petting, feeding, fixing the fence, throwing the ball and breaking up doggie disagreements (this is just to name a few)

“What I think I do” there would be a picture of me carefully balancing it all while still looking good and smiling and...

“What I really do”  there would be a picture of me on the couch all disheveled with a glass of wine in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other surrounded by kids, pets and toys.

Yes, that would just about describe a day in the life.  I obviously can't make one of those cute posters because I would need to make it REALLY big to fit in all the awesomeness that my kids and pets think of me.  I wouldn't have it any other way though, unless of course I actually got to have my husband home to share in all the fun!

Chapter Four "Valentine's for Dummies" 2/13/2012

One might ask how you celebrate Valentine's Day when your Valentine is over 6,500 miles away.  I don't have the answer to that.  I can tell you that when you are 6,500 miles away, EVERY day is Valentine's day.  Yes, take that Hallmark, look at all those days you miss out on.

Tomorrow, I will not be surprised with flowers, candy or stuffed bears.  I doubt I will even see a card.  That is okay with me.  I have specifically asked that I not receive a gift.  I still have the dozen roses Brian sent me on Valentine's when he was deployed to Kosovo five years ago; I like to think that our relationship has far exceeded where it was back then, that our relationship is deeper than a flower that is dead on arrival. 

The past five months I have lived Valentine's day with several emails and phone calls that say far more than a card, flower or gift could ever say.

Chapter Three "Surviving Deployment for Dummies" 2/10/12

Yesterday you may have heard about the "Army Wife" that posted in her blog about how annoyed she is with us "National Guard Wives" who mistakenly refer to ourselves as "Army Wives".  She lives in Vermont and her "hubs", as she refers to him is active duty which by default makes her the real deal army wife.  They are not around a large base of active duty soldiers so her "hubs" is often referred to as *gasp* National Guard and the NG wives act without class and speak when not spoken to and do not "represent" so to speak.  What made it worse is she was getting slaughtered in her comment section to which her loving "hubs" came to the rescue and defended her.  (I have officially slaughtered her blog with my summary, but you get the jist.  I have, on purpose, not revealed much about her blog as to not add any further traffic to her already notorious post.)
Well, this little blog of hers has caused quite the stir.  I have found references to it on multiple military sites I frequent and her desire to divide and conquer has had the opposite effect.  Even better, today the U.S. Army Recruiting Station in Burlington, Vermont has issued a statement that while she may have freedom of speech  her "hubs" has received  a counseling session. 

The official statement as posted on their Facebook Page:

In response to your concern, I would truly like to say this is not the command climate that we pursue nor agree with. We respect and honor all military personnel with whom we serve that has stood and swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. We are all... brothers and sisters in arms. We believe that all are equal and all share the burden of defending the freedoms of the citizens of this country. The families of the defenders of freedom serve and sacrifice their lives in some ways more than those of us who wear the uniform.
In response to this blog and this Soldier. You are correct about wives not being under the prevue of the command. I assure you that the Soldier in question is. There has been a face to face counseling session with this Soldier as to the responsibilities of the freedoms and rights that our Constitution has so given to this Nation.
We apologize for the actions that one person has brought it up on himself, and we want to ensure you that this is NOT the actions or the climate of this command.
 

I vow from this point forward never to refer to my husband as "hubs" for it sounds utterly ridiculous.  Perhaps I am being a little sensitive but to be perfectly honest I think this whole situation is absurd.  I feel like I have been slapped with a wet noodle; that my family's sacrifice means nothing to this person.  To insinuate that ALL he does is give up one weekend a month and two weeks a year just gets under my skin.  Last year he was gone 25% of the year for training, that did not include his weekends and AT.  When he is at his civilian job and has his "weekend warrior" playtime he not only works 40 hours at his job, but then spends a weekend at drill then another 40 hours at his job (not to mention his 3+ hours a day commuting) before he even has a day off.  He doesn't drill 20 minutes away either, it is a three hour round trip drive.  We don't get all the benefits of being active duty but still have to make the same sacrifices with deployments and training.  She insinuated that National Guard wives have no class, they dress trashy and speak without being spoken to first.  Okay, so I have been to some functions and yes, I have seen women that have been dressed a little risque for a Christmas Party but I am willing to bet that there are PLENTY of active duty wives that do the very same thing. 
I am not here to bash this person and her petty thoughts, only to say that if you or your spouse has signed that dotted line that commits you/them to defending this country, whether you are the cook, the janitor or on the front line, you have made a commitment.  Fine, vent, complain, whatever but we all put our pants on one leg at a time.  Today your life may suck more than mine and tomorrow the winds may change and I get the sucky day, but don't discredit me because I am not a full time army wife.  Embrace that I may have a different perspective on things as I would for you.  Put your bitterness aside (and that of "hubs") and find the positive.  It is great to be proud, even us National Guard wives refer to those who don't live the military life, as civilians; but we don't mean any harm by it, we only acknowledge that there are differences, it doesn't make us better it just makes us aware.

Chapter Three "Surviving Deployment for Dummies" 2/9/12

I am obviously not so good with keeping up with a blog.  Today I went back and re-read my previous entries thinking that perhaps there was the answer to a mystery that I find myself in.  I could find no such answer, not that I am surprised.

My family is currently five months into deployment.  Looking back on how it began I can honestly say I was pretty dead on with my predictions.  My new favorite quote or thought is that "those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind".  There have been quite a few changes in the relationships in my life since September.  I could be a big fat liar and say that I don't care but that would be a big fat lie.  Funny thing is when I try to determine why it matters I cannot come up with solid answers.  Sometimes it is just best to accept you will not have an answer.  Many relationships have floundered but then renewed with a burst of energy and at just the right time.  Again, yet another lesson learned (again and again) that things happen in their own time, not mine, how vain of me.

So, you may be wondering how the last few months have gone, slowly, quickly, slower than slow, "what?  five months down!", yes, that about sums it up. 

I was laid off during my maternity leave with Cooper 4 years ago.  I have had four years of no schedule, thus Cooper has dictated the who, the what, the why and most importantly, the when.  Lesson number one for me is that I must have some form of a schedule, I must plan or else fail miserably.  Planning and scheduling do not have to be the devil, in fact, they can be things to embrace and look forward to.  Take for instance, bedtime, bedtime is 8pm every night.  Cooper was and still is suffering from night terrors.  They are reduced when he is not over tired.  8pm bedtime gives me "free time" to look forward to every day, not that I don't thoroughly enjoy my time with Cooper or Paige (when she is home, I often forget she lives here) but I am a person that REQUIRES "me" time.  8pm has saved my sanity, of course so has that box of wine that always resides in the fridge.  I do try to plan little trips or excursions here and there and we do  have some good great family and friends that have been integral in assuring our current levels of sanity.

So, there you have it.  So far, so good we are surviving persevering and excelling, one day at a time.