Chapter 17 "Reset" for Dummies

Have you ever seen the movie Toy Story 3?  In it there is a scene in which a very “evolved” Buzz Lightyear is captured by Lot’s o and reset to factory settings.  Well, I feel much like I have been “reset” to my ‘just deployed’ state.  

 I have pretty much accomplished nine months of separation, nine months that many cannot fathom, nine months that include birthday’s, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s, a milestone anniversary, and many nondescript days in-between.  Nine months that encompassed three seasons, one of which is NOT my favorite by any stretch of the imagination.  Yet, leading up to those nine months was a certain stress that is unexplainable, and immediately after, is devastating to the psyche, to the point that there is a strange euphoria, because you know that the worst is finally behind you, i.e. that goodbye, and then the strange realization that the worst may very well be ahead of you. 

There is a stage I refer to as “the rut”.  I could go for days without leaving the house, I stay in my pajamas, everything and everyone gets on the only nerve I think I have left and my level of anxiety is at an all time high.  I lose patience quickly, I feel anxious and empty. 

It was amazing to have a brief visit with my husband.  Such a strange sentence really.  Who visits with their spouse?  People in jail?  I don’t know, all I know is that R&R is just that, it is simply a visit.  They are no more at home than we are soldiers in the desert. 

Nearly a week has passed and in that week I have gone through a time elapsed version of what I went through nine months ago.  I think I am finally coming out of the rut, there is finally a light at the end of this tunnel.

Strangely, it is no comfort to know that we are more than three quarters of the way done.  It is no comfort to know that I am “keeping busy” which sounds completely different depending on who suggests it, i.e. military vs. civilian.  So, we keep on keeping on and we hurry up and wait, and before you know it we shall be reunited once more.

Chapter 16 "Rebuilding the fortress" for Dummies

With R&R safely tucked behind us it is time to get back into old routines.  Easier said than done, I have had a reminder of what life used to be like, once upon a time.

I got a little spoiled over my two week interruption.  Again, no disrespect to the time spent with my husband, but I am sure he will understand what I mean.

It is the small things that I will miss, like not having to buckle the little guy in his car seat every time we go somewhere, or disrupting his schedule because I have to pick up my daughter from work past his bedtime.

Typically I enjoy night time but now I am reminded that I am alone.  It is time to start looking for that silver lining I am so fond of,  for example, I am now 100% in charge of the house temperature!  It is almost a game to change the thermostat to see how long it is before he realizes it and guess whether or not he will call me out or simply change it back the ONE degree I moved it.  Looking back, I don't even know if that one degree was anything more than asserting my control or if I really needed an additional degree of warmth.

Chapter 15 "R&R" for Dummies

I have done R&R (Rest and Relaxation) twice now, and I stand by my initial impression that R&R is a poorly executed idea. Basically, you are given two weeks in which you get out of the comfort zone/fortress that you carefully built the last few (or more) months.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that I had the opportunity to spend some time with my husband, some people aren't as fortunate for one reason or another, but mentally it hits you like a Mack truck.

R&R is simply too short.  Week one is a week of decompressing, readjusting and reacquainting, then there are the factors against you, time change, jet lag, reintroduction of home cooked meals and in some cases alcohol.  Week two things finally start to feel like they used to and by that time, it is time to start mentally preparing/distancing, packing up and heading back again.  When your SO leaves, instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment or a renewed feeling of "I can do it" you are thrust into the reality of "here we go again". 

Soldiers returning home get "briefed" on what to expect and what not to expect when they come home, after all, in many cases a lot of time has passed and we all know how much can change in a short period of time.  I doubt my husband has ever left and not returned to newly painted walls and some renovation that I either did myself or contracted out.  There are the less obvious things that change, little nuances that you might not notice on a daily basis and you worry about them or their existence.  On the flip side, we are not prepared on what to expect or not expect, maybe it is different if you are a full time "Army Wife", and perhaps National Guard spouses don't get the full Monty when it comes to preparation.  I joined a support group when Brian deployed the first time (being just a girlfriend at the time) and over the years I have given advice to countless women about R&R or deployments and what to expect or not expect and I fully believed (and still do) in all I said, but taking my own advice is a horse of a different color.

I think I will suggest to my husband that we each complete an "after action report" as they say in the Army.  He has always said that there is always room for improvement. I guess that since another deployment or long separation for training is inevitable in our lifestyle being prepared for the worse isn't the worst idea.