Chapter 17 "Reset" for Dummies

Have you ever seen the movie Toy Story 3?  In it there is a scene in which a very “evolved” Buzz Lightyear is captured by Lot’s o and reset to factory settings.  Well, I feel much like I have been “reset” to my ‘just deployed’ state.  

 I have pretty much accomplished nine months of separation, nine months that many cannot fathom, nine months that include birthday’s, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s, a milestone anniversary, and many nondescript days in-between.  Nine months that encompassed three seasons, one of which is NOT my favorite by any stretch of the imagination.  Yet, leading up to those nine months was a certain stress that is unexplainable, and immediately after, is devastating to the psyche, to the point that there is a strange euphoria, because you know that the worst is finally behind you, i.e. that goodbye, and then the strange realization that the worst may very well be ahead of you. 

There is a stage I refer to as “the rut”.  I could go for days without leaving the house, I stay in my pajamas, everything and everyone gets on the only nerve I think I have left and my level of anxiety is at an all time high.  I lose patience quickly, I feel anxious and empty. 

It was amazing to have a brief visit with my husband.  Such a strange sentence really.  Who visits with their spouse?  People in jail?  I don’t know, all I know is that R&R is just that, it is simply a visit.  They are no more at home than we are soldiers in the desert. 

Nearly a week has passed and in that week I have gone through a time elapsed version of what I went through nine months ago.  I think I am finally coming out of the rut, there is finally a light at the end of this tunnel.

Strangely, it is no comfort to know that we are more than three quarters of the way done.  It is no comfort to know that I am “keeping busy” which sounds completely different depending on who suggests it, i.e. military vs. civilian.  So, we keep on keeping on and we hurry up and wait, and before you know it we shall be reunited once more.