Last night I was asked how my husband was doing, I replied
with “he is fine, we are managing”. I
never know how to answer that question.
Usually I say he is bored and ready to come home, that we are ready for
him to come home, and while that is a fair (oh how I hate that word, just as
much as I despise the word hate) assessment, it just doesn’t seem like the
right answer.
We are managing and the husband is fine, but how do you
answer the polite questions, especially when you really want to say: “I want to
take a permanent vacation, I wish the kids had a turn off button, I am lonely, and
I am tired…” and those are just the nice little answers; those aren’t the dark
deep thoughts. Okay, don’t get your
panties in a bunch, I am not suicidal, I am not anywhere near wanting to harm
my kids, I am not at the end of my rope, nothing drastic at all, but I am
tired.
Our son goes to a class a couple times a week; it is thirty
minutes of me not being “in charge”. I
see him off and I go to a quiet corner and I answer emails, texts, messages and
anything else that has been pushed aside.
I fear, yet I don’t, that I am that “snobby mom” that is too good to
make small talk with the other parents.
I almost want to wear a sign that says “I am not snobby, this is my 30
minutes of peace, please don’t judge me for it”. For now, I will take my chances that once
life gets back to normal they might understand that I really am not the person
they might currently perceive me to be.
In the meantime, if anyone has any suggestions on how to
answer the polite questions, I am currently accepting any and all responses!
shawna, I totally get what you are saying. right now as sad as it is to say, I can't wait for my husband to get back because I love him but also so I can have some me time! I really have a hard time asking even my dad for help even though he is here to help. I slipped and said something of the sort of if only someone was here to help me with (blank)... but my dad knows me well and didn't say anything. He's told his girlfriend that I'm the type of person who tries to do everything herself and he is so right. it was even a huge step for me to ask him to take the dog out on a walk and he has done that for me everyday this past year. the kiddos are sleeping and I am already in DO mode but he went out to get the laundry out of the dryer for me. I feel so guilty I am going to offer to go walk the dog for him but I know he'd be ok with it.
ReplyDeletesometimes i think the truth is best when someone asks you how you are doing, especially if you know that they are truly willing to help you. I've cried to my sister and told her the truth after R&R ended. I was tired of being strong. I am so grateful for her. I hope there is someone for you too, where you can just let it out instead of 'manage' your feelings. <3
Thank you Mollie! I am HORRIBLE at asking for help it is so demeaning.
DeleteI am fortunate, my sister does come up to visit which helps break up the monotony of every day life. I also have a couple of very good friends that are wonderful, so I cannot complain too much because they are understand I am not good at asking for help.
I don't know, I'm not good at this either. I've been burned before, too. Unless someone is family (and sometimes not even then) or unless you know them REALLY REALLY well, it's hard to trust them. Some people will ask how you're doing, but not really want to hear it if it's negative. If you ever dare tell them anything other than you're fine/managing, they back off and/or disappear on you. Or at least that's been my experience. I have found that very few people are truly willing to offer an unconditional ear. It's like they just don't care and aren't willing to hear anything from me that might bring them down. I guess I'm just not worth it to very many people. So I'm always afraid to answer with anything besides "we're fine, we're ok" etc etc. It's a big risk to say anything else or god forbid, even ask for something.
ReplyDeleteI have one or two people I can talk to that don't make me feel guilty for whatever it is I have on my mind. I hope you have at least a person or two in your life that can offer that and if not, I am a willing listener ;)
ReplyDelete