Chapter 14 "Roller Coaster of Emotions for Dummies" 05/18/2012

Anyone that has endured a deployment knows that you have a nonstop ticket on the emotional roller coaster.  One day you are on top of the world, perhaps you received a 2 minute phone call, an email, a text, or letter, or maybe you just feel confident in your relationship.  Twenty four hours later could be the bottom of the barrel; you made the mistake of watching the news, talked to the wrong person, got in a fight with a friend or family member, had a bad day at work, or just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to the extreme elation or depression but as the saying goes, "one day at a time" or "this too shall pass".

I am over eight months into this deployment.  I have had many days of elation and many days of sheer depression.   For the most part, throughout my years I have learned to cope with the hand that life deals.  I don't think beyond the outer surface because to do so would open myself up to things that are unpleasant so it seems easier to disassociate myself and live outside myself until it is safe to "come back".   

I find myself in the predicament of having to "come back" as R&R is quickly approaching, much quicker than I anticipated and it is a good thing, but with it comes the typical fears; will we feel the same, will he still love/like me, will he still be attracted to me, has he changed, have I changed, will he like what I have done to the house, have I kept up my end of the bargain, do I have time to shave?  Haha, I had to throw a funny in there.


So, once again there is yet another weird part in the roller coaster, I wouldn't say we are climbing nor are we in a dip, maybe we are in the sideways twirly part.  Either way, I am starting to get very anxious and excited!