Today was day two of swim lessons for Cooper. I thought things would go great since yesterday was such a success, WRONG! Flash back to the survey I mentioned a couple days ago...one of the sets of questions focused on how kids with deployed parents do with new activities or being away from the primary caregiver/parent. Cooper scored the lowest in this category.
Somehow it slipped through the cracks to call us about which time slot to show up for our first lesson, but it worked out in our benefit because Cooper received a one on one lesson. This caused him to imprint like a gosling to his instructor from yesterday, who today was working with a group of less adept children, so he was to go with the older, more experienced kids. That set him off into a meltdown of massive and embarrassing proportions. He got out of the water and suddenly he was tired and "I miss Daddy" and what was worse he started snot and tears bawling, and then came the "I am worried about Daddy, when will Daddy come home, I don't want Daddy to die" loudly enough that other parents inevitably heard. I try not to put myself into the situation in which I feel the need to explain Daddy's whereabouts, so I hurried him out of earshot. After about 20 minutes of consoling him and trying to convince him to take his lesson and threatening to not go to the pool again until he learned to swim, I decided to soften my impatient heart and allow him to sit on the side and watch, after all, if I made a threat like that and didn't follow through, not only would he suffer, but so would I. After 10 minutes of watching he finally got in and took over the class by showing off. UNCOOL. So, like a mother hen, I sat poolside shooting "Mom" glances and quietly disciplining him the best I could without causing my own scene. In the end, our mission was accomplished, swim lesson number two was under our belt and all threats aside we could enjoy a day at the pool once more, but not today.
This set the mood for the rest of the day, a good portion of which I spent feeling guilty for the manner in which I handled the situation. I frequently observe other parents and how they handle their children and they all seem to have this never ending supply of not only patience but a high tolerance for bad behavior. I am all in for more patience, it is a virtue after all, but I have no room for tolerance of bad behavior. I thought a lot about whether or not he is too attached to me and I to him, a thought that I ponder quite frequently. For the past ten months we have been attached at the hip. He is okay to spend some time away from me under certain circumstances and I am sure I am just beating myself up over nothing, but it isn't as if there is a guide book letting me know I am doing the right thing.
I simply need an extra supply of patience, I am in the red lately and what little is left is on "waiting for this year to end detail".
Aww.....Shawna. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be away from family and have a husband gone for so long. I remember how frustrated I got when dealing with my own boys for so long after learning to accept Bob's help more and more with them and I still had family to go to when I needed a break. I wish so much I lived closer so we could hang out and so I could take Cooper for you even for an afternoon so you could do whatever you wanted. I am thinking of you and sending you love and patience. Hang in there.
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