We spend days, weeks, and months alone, wishing for our loved ones to come home, only to approach homecoming and suddenly get cold feet. As with most things deployment, it sounds ridiculous and confusing, like fighting when you should be savoring precious moments, or smiling through tears.
R&R was a preview, but you always know that is temporary, similar to vacation. A homecoming means getting back into the regular routines, and the year you spent lounging around in your pj's for days on end will suddenly come to an abrupt halt. This doesn't mean that I think Brian will come home and change everything or anything, but you get used to being alone, you get used to calling all the shots and rarely do you bear reason to second guess anything, after all, with half a world and time between you, who is going to know if you spent all day in your jammies, if you ate dinner on the couch, if the laundry piled up for so long it took hours to fold and put it away, and yes, I am guilty of all those things. We all know we are supposed to carry on as usual while they are away, but it becomes easy, if not necessary for survival to slack here and there, just to make it through a particular day, week, or month.
Today, I caught myself getting defensive about how I was handling my job here at home. Cooper has been sick and the fever must have altered his personality because once it left he has been an obnoxious little person that I have found difficult to enjoy being around. I realized part of the problem was that there has been a big "to-do" about Daddy coming home, and he gets anxious as well, kids and change are not always a fabulous equation. I decided I just wouldn't bring it up anymore and hopefully I will get my sweet little man back.
I imagine it is tough for those returning home as well. Though they have been prepared for it and are excited to come home, it has to be a major change for them too. They have been secluded in a little bubble, following orders or giving orders and they haven't been around all the chaos that is the home fire. I am used to the kids, their schedules, being pulled in multiple directions, changes at the last minute, flying by the seat of my pants--they have been accustomed to order. Oh my.
A lot can happen and change in a year. Our missions are coming to an end, the rules are changing, and like an MMA fight, there seem to be very few "rules" except to expect everything and anything including the unexpected.
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