I have decided that this will probably be the only place I will really be honest. Everywhere else, I am sure I will be wearing my "game face" but here, I vow to be truthful, brutal and honest.
Yesterday was a horrible day here. Basically, it was the beginning of the end. Not the end end, but you know that day when the switch goes off. The day when reality hits home and you have an "oh crap" moment. Brian dropped off his first load of "stuff" to be shipped off to the desert. Of course, he came home in a suitable mood. I have been expecting this. We go through it each time he has to go away. I know the natural thing to expect is that you cherish every gosh durn moment but there is the flip side. The side that says to distance yourself, make saying "I'll see you later" easier. We are both guilty of it. Packing starts and I drown myself in a television show, chores or just plain denial.
Cooper seems to sense that things are different. He bit (when I say "bit", I am talking JAWS, not nibble) our friends daughter, (whom I was babysitting, so she was in my care) has been peeing in his pants and just not listening. On top of that, he took the hot iron and put it on my fairly new carpet leaving a beautiful iron mark on the floor. He is hardly eating, which for him is a big deal because the kid doesn't eat much to begin with. I know that the tenseness of life is just beginning and we still have a couple'ish more weeks to go.
Monday is finally the day in which I get to go to see the specialist. I am terrified. I don't know why except for the fact that it is the unknown. Considering some of it will be stress related I am trying to determine how to alleviate stress. I think I have determined for several reasons to postpone going to school for the fall semester. Additionally, I have some "community" stuff that could be going on that I think I am personally going to have to pass on. I don't think I am really at a point in my life right now where adding drama is a good idea.
The next couple'ish weeks should prove to be quite interesting.
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