It is funny how we are classified as one group or another without even knowing, for example, to the Amish, we are "English" or "Fancy". I for one, am neither English nor Fancy, and I consider the Amish to be intriging, but I doubt that they would consider themselves to be anything but Plain. I mention this because once we get involved with someone in the military we are suddenly "military" wives or girlfriends and we refer to our non-military friends as "civilians" and it almost becomes a dirty word.
I think I figured out the problem today. I was talking to Paige about how I was feeling about "civilians" and their approach to our military situation, a.k.a. impending deployment. I think of it like I am a woman, and everyone else is a man. Rude, I know, but think about how many times you have heard a woman say that she just wants to vent to her husband/boyfriend and that he wants to "fix" her problem.
Currently I am in the stage of anticipation. I am thinking or overthinking what is to come to death. I am going from being a two parent household to a single parent household and I am thinking logisitics. What do I do if I have to pick Paige up from practice or work (should the poor girl get a job) and Cooper is sick or sleeping? All the times I just "run out" and leave him home, now, I am going to have to drag him where ever I go. Or, if I do decide to continue with a few classes, what about homework/exam/project time? I know that once Brian leaves, I will iron out all these details and in hindsight I will think, "hmm...this isn't SO bad" kind of like childbirth, but in the meantime, my mind is racing with all the "how do I", "what if's".
So, back to "fixing" the problem...I don't need anyone to fix anything. I know that they will be here to help, God forbid I actually have the courage or strength to call for help, but that is a different blog entry. Right now, but not always, I just need to be able to pose these questions, to voice my concerns, to vent my frustrations without anyone feeling the need to try to fix it. There is nothing to fix. Like my friend Ashley said today, we are not victims. We know what we have signed up for even if we haven't signed on the dotted line. Our signing comes in the way of "I do". We do it with pride, and we do it willingly, but that does not negate the need to vent, nor does it negate the need for a sympathetic ear.
I don't think you would be human if you didn't think about all the "what ifs" and anticipate what life will be like for you while Brian is gone. And while we truly aren't victims, like you mentioned, we are still definitely allowed to have crappy days and over think everything to death.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the anticipation is the worst. Once the deployment is finally under way, you will find a routine that works for you and count down the days until Brian returns. I am thinking of you, my friend!